Grace of God

Spending years of

Living on the surface

Searching for something

Yet not knowing what that was

Instead, burying the pain of feeling

Has exhausted me.

 

Spending months of

Peeling back the layers

I hid behind,

Undoing all that I am

Breaking down the wall of denial

Has exhausted me.

 

Spending each day

In gratitude for where I’ve been

And the journey ahead

By the grace of God

Lighting my path

Has renewed me.

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Tapped Out

Life can get the best of you,

Teaching you lessons you

Hadn’t bargained for

In the middle of the night.

The path to authenticity

Is not for braveless souls.

You are likely the only one

Who will understand why

It keeps you up,

How moving forward

Often means taking steps backward,

That courage becomes your best friend

Because no one else will

Take your side when you

Upset their world.

I carry on, praying for peace

Within me to endure what’s ahead,

Knowing this is the beginning.

And yet, I am tapped out,

Not sure where I am headed,

Wanting all the answers now.

Please God, watch over me,

Raise me up so I can

See the light you want me

To follow.

Strength

Strength appears in

Many different ways,

Some obvious, some not.

 

Determination feeds my strength,

Perseverance grows my strength,

Self-love sustains my strength.

 

I hold onto these pillars

When the storms blow in

Wrecking havoc everywhere.

 

The journey of life

Is a gift we often take for granted

For we spend little time listening

To what it has to teach us.

I am learning that we must

Find our strength

For no one will give it to us.

For My Husband

I know it has been like

Living with a stranger lately,

This woman beside you

Who is not quite the same

Person you met 24 years ago.

For she is growing in all sorts

Of ways.

She is seeing truths

Long buried.

She is feeling emotions

Long buried.

She is seeking answers

Long buried.

Be patient with her,

Honor her changes,

Make room for her,

Let her flail about,

Brood when she needs to,

Laugh when she can,

Love when she is ready.

The shedding of layers

Takes time,

Courage,

Strength.

God is working through her,

On this journey.

Have faith that she will be worth

The wait.

Worth the Ride

It enveloped me

Without warning,

Leaving me dumbfounded,

Stunned,

Unprepared for the tidal waves

That would come.

It scared me,

Frightened me,

Emboldened me

To speak my truth,

That keeps unfolding

By the hour on some days.

I am trying to hang on,

Sometimes with white knuckles,

To understand God’s plan

On this treacherous journey

That often doesn’t make sense

Though I have faith

That the other side

Will be worth the ride.

Finding My Purpose

Driving back home along the Pacific coast,

I saw the sun sparkle off the water,

The Channel Islands just beyond reach.

In that moment I felt something shift

Inside me as I

Remembered all the conversations

From the weekend,

The stories shared

The pain unraveled

The healing laughter.

God led me to this road, asked me

To follow it, to trust in Him for

My health and spirit.

I was ready to listen,

To lay down my fears and failures,

Free myself from the past,

Let go and just be

So I could find my purpose

On this new journey ahead.

Grace of the Unknown

The grace of the unknown

Revealed itself many times over

In this new decade of my life.

The blessings were plentiful

As I sought to find myself

Outside the layers of me

I present to the world.

I found quiet strength,

I found love of self,

I found a new voice,

In the face of darkness

And the warmth of brillance.

This year’s journey took many paths

Yet, I am here

Still standing, seeking

Goodness in everything I do

And in everyone I love.