Promotion

It took 22 years

To attain the coveted title of

Publisher.

It has a nice ring to it if you ask me.

And yet, it comes on the heels

Of organizational change

And downsizing.

What am I to feel?

Awkward and proud.

Guilty and determined.

Ambivalent and empowered.

All at the same time.

My head and heart

Not all together on the same page.

I struggle with the dichotomy

Knowing that this is mine to own.

Circumstances can’t take

Away the quiet resolve and

Sheer perseverance

It took to get here.

I earned this,

I worked hard,

I surpassed expectations.

It is my right and honor

To find joyful gratitude in knowing

I deserve this.

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Aftermath

Sleepless nights

Churning inside

Tears that wouldn’t fall

Perpetual exhaustion

Exploded in an instant.

The aftermath is here

And the layers are unfolding

With each decision and question.

I did not choose this.

I did not cause this.

I did not want this.

Yet here I am

Picking up the pieces

Of another who

Didn’t give a damn about

Accountability and consequences.

I say to her

Look around at the

Damage.

Anger.

Pain.

I want these images to haunt you,

Keep you up at night,

Remind you of your sins

Forever.

Tilted World

Feeling like my world has tilted,

Legs heavy with lead,

A punch felt in my gut

Unsettled me to the point

Of anger at the unfairness

That comes when I do

What’s asked of me,

Fulfilling my obligations.

Yet the inactions of others

Send riptides throughout

As they look for

A way out of this mess.

They come to me to find

A way to make things right,

Pulling back more and more,

When I have nothing left,

Disrupting all I have built

In a single request.

Anger brews within me

For the betrayal hurts

Like razors cutting through me.

I’m done picking up after others

Who have no idea what they’re doing.

Their lack of vision is unconscionable

While my dedication goes unnoticed

Simply because it is expected.

Shining Light

Years after years

Being pushed to silence

About what’s right

For the good of what we do

Has finally ended.

A single event has prompted

Further investigation

Because someone dared to speak,

Causing others to finally listen

After so many previous failed attempts.

Now, a light is shining brightly

On the source.

The camouflaged problems

Have surfaced to the top.

The questions asked reveal

Truths that can no longer be denied.

The rally cry has begun and

We’re not gonna take this anymore.

We are beaten, frustrated, exhausted

From years of ignorance.

The facts speak for themselves,

And I will not sit idly in silence

For I have found my voice,

Ready to use it without fear

To break down silos,

Making things right at last.

Restless

This restlessness

Is driving me crazy,

Not being able to focus,

Relax,

Or be.

It wakes me up

At night,

Preventing peaceful slumber.

At home,

I am constantly

Flipping channels,

Jumping Web pages,

Swiping screens,

Looking for solace

Outside myself.

My attention span

Continues to diminish

While my need for

Meaningful connections

Expands, leaving me

Hungry for substance

Wherever I may find it.